El Salvador Missions 2014

It's hard to believe it's been a week since I was asleep in a hammock overlooking the El Salvadorian coast. Hard to believe that just over a week ago, I was painting nails and blowing bubbles with little girls and boys at a local orphanage in the city of San Miguel. Hard to believe that just a week ago, I was on one of the greatest adventures I've ever been on.

I guess you could call it a God-adventure. Because He took me on some pretty crazy rides last week. Both literally and figuratively. I took a couple rides through the crazy traffic. I went to an El Salvadorian doctor. And I learned a lot about Him, about what He wants for me at this point in life.

The big question last week was, "Why does God have you on this trip?" I could give you a lot of answers to that question.

   He taught me to be thankful for what I have. He also taught me that I don't need all my material things to survive. Things like hot showers and flushable toilet paper and air conditioning. I'm blessed. But those things aren't what life's all about.

   He also taught me that adventure can be found in the simplest things. It was easy for me to find adventure during my trip to the doctor while I was there. It wasn't quite as easy to find the adventure while avoiding the sun and dust at the orphanage. Why? Because it wasn't obviously right in front of me. It was a different kind of adventure. One where I got to show love to sweet little children and care for them. It was the kind of adventure that doesn't come from surroundings but from what's going on inside the heart. I'll remember those sweet little kids forever because of how much they taught me about love, contentment, and joy.

   God taught me about trust. One big question that I've always got tumbling around in my mind is, "What is God calling me to?" I wrestled with that question even more during this trip. And here's what I came up with: I don't exactly know. I know I'm supposed to go back to Latin America one day, and I know it's supposed to be for longer than a week. But other than that, I have no idea what He wants to do through my life. One night, this was all that was on my mind. After some tears and talking through it with one of our team leaders, God gave me a reminder. He's got it all under control. He's got it all planned out. All I need to do is trust Him. And I'm also learning that that's a whole lot easier than it sounds.

   Finally, God taught me that for now, my mission field is at home. Since I've been home, I've been ready to head right back to El Salvador and get to working and serving again. Because that's where my heart is, and that's where I feel called to spend time serving in the future, for however long that may be. But right now, God has me in my hometown for a reason. Right now, my hometown is my mission field. He's shown me that there is just as much of a need for people to shine for Him here as there is in the corners of the world. While on the trip, I studied through Philippians. There's a section in chapter two that talks about shining like stars in the universe for Christ, even in the midst of a generation that doesn't shine for Him. So even if I'm not in a foreign country blowing bubbles and learning Spanish from adorable little orphans right now, I can still shine for Him.

In short, the trip to El Salvador was an amazing trip. I have memories that I'll hold on to for my entire life. Our team became like a family and is a group of people I hope to have as lifelong friends. God blessed me tremendously on this trip; I can't even put it into words.

I'd go back in a heartbeat.

Flashback | 2013

     2013. What to say about this year? There's been so many great things, but it hasn't been all chocolates and gumdrops (I know, gross combo). I've found a couple amazing friends, and I've encountered a great God. Some happened right at home, some I had the privilege of experiencing halfway across the world.

     And to top it all off, my town's boys' basketball team took first in the area wide championship last night. Great way to end the year.

     This year has brought so many ups and downs. I've made a couple absolutely amazing friends. Those three ladies have been there and will always be there for me. It's one of those things where I now know I can always count on them. When I feel like I can't talk to anyone, one of them will be there for me. That's an great feeling.
     Then there's the girls in my small group at church. We've grown over the past year, and not only in numbers. We're there for each other. We're learning about the Lord together, learning how to handle life together. Growing together as people and as young women in Christ. God's really blessed me with those ladies this year.

     Then there was the girls that I traveled with all the way to Italy this summer. If you've never spent nine hours on a plane with nine other girls, you're missing out. That was an adventure within itself. Especially when one of our girls spilled her soda all over her lap and t-shirt. That was funny. And once you've walked around Rome and Naples and seen the hurt there, you can't break the bond between that group. There's so much pain around the world, and I've seen it first hand. 2013 was another year where God gave me insight into the entire world He's created, not just my world.
     Speaking of which, I had some major God encounters on that Italy trip. Homesickness and doubts about my purpose on the trip were setting in by the second night. But God turned me to Psalms 139. There, I saw that He's got it. He's got the trip perfectly planned, He's got me there for a reason, and He's got something He's going to show me there. What did I figure out that was looking back on the trip? Trust. I can trust in Him in any circumstance. When I've got my leg stuck between the metro and the platform and am afraid it's going to be gone in a matter of seconds, he's got someone there to help pull me up and onto the platform. And yes, I am that uncoordinated that I missed the platform. But only with one foot. The other foot made it to the platform. Oh, and when my skirt's caught in the escalator at the metro station and I'm trying to get it out before it gets stuck at the bottom and comes off, He's got it. My skirt was safe. It still has oil around the hem, but it's still in one piece. When the homesickness sets in and Satan tells me that I'm just on the trip to see Italy, not because God really wanted me going, He's there to reassure me that He has a reason for me being there.

     I've decided that sometimes - only sometimes - my clumsiness and lack of coordination is a good thing. It is part of how God showed me I could trust Him on that trip, after all.

     This year, I watched my family go through a lot of pain. I cried a lot. My small group's gotten to see me in the state of full out tears, but also in the state of I-need-to-cry-and-I-am-crying-but-no-tears-are-coming-out-so-I-just-look-dumb-because-I'm-shaking-and-making-all-the-weird-crying-noises-but-no-tears-are-coming-out. Sorry. That was really long. But it's true. Despite all the chocolates and gumdrops I experienced this year, I went through a lot of pain. I went through a lot of heartache. My whole family did. We all still are. It's been a hard year, and nothing about a new calendar year is going to change the reason behind our pain.

     Sorry. That was really Debbie-Downer. Just being real. I hope that's okay.

     My cousin told me this morning that 2014 is going to be our year. We're three months apart and used to fight like sisters; now we just talk and encourage each other like sisters. Because we're sisters in Christ. Anyways, we've both done a lot of growing up this year. I've watched her go through mounds of heartache, and it's broken me to the core to have to watch. But she's strong, and she knows that God holds her tears and her pain. This is how I like to think of it: She has some scars. We all do. Her scars come from wounds, yes. Emotional wounds. But her scars are the marks stitches. Stitches heal wounds. God's stitches heal the scars on her heart, on my heart. Our hearts may be scarred, but we've got a God who stitches us back until we're whole in Him.
     She's my inspiration. She's my hero. I think she's amazing. She's one of the strongest women I know. And 2014 is going to be her year. It's going to be my year. We're growing up in a bunch of ways, but we'll be there for each other. We're going to tackle the world and whatever it decided to throw at us together, with God by our sides.

     So here's to 2014. I pray it brings me many more God encounters and many more joyful moments. I pray that I can find God encounters through the heartache that I know is inevitable while here on earth.

God's Princess

     Every year, our percussion section for band has a Secret Santa gift exchange. This year, my Secret Santa got me two Disney dress-up, Polly Pocket sized dolls; one Cinderella and one Ariel. She also got me a pink visor that's a sparkly tiara. Disney, pink, and sparkles. What more could a girl want?

     I've been joking ever since about being the official princess of our percussion section. Why? Because all my gifts fit the picture society paints of a princess. Society tells us that princesses love pink, sparkles, and everything that shines. Princess movies and television shows tell us that we have to have this high, light, beautiful voice when we sing, wear a size 0 ball gown, find our true love on some unrealistic adventure, and fall in love with him practically overnight. Oh, and you have to be born of royal blood or marry into the royal family. Which, none of us can control.

     Here's what finally hit me in the midst of all my joking and pretending to be a princess: I am a princess. I am a princess because I am a daughter of a King. I am a princess because my Father is the King of the universe.

     God doesn't care what size ball gown I wear, how much money my family has, how high of a note I can hit when I sing, or if I'm born into a royal family or not. He put me where I am for a reason. I'm not an earthly princess because He didn't want me there. God cares about the condition of my heart. He cares that I try my best to follow Him and see myself the way He sees me.

     That's the hardest part right there: seeing myself the way God sees me. God sees me as His beautiful daughter, His princess. I don't see myself that way. I can honestly say that I don't see a princess when I look in the mirror. But God sees a princess any time He looks at me. He's sees my beauty that is deeper than the surface and deeper than a mirror could ever tell me. He sees the things that are deeper than I may ever be able to see. He sees me as beautiful.

     I have to say, I love pink and sparkles, and Disney movies are my favorites, but that doesn't make me an earthly princess. But none of that matters, because I'm a heavenly princess. My Father in heaven looks down on me and calls me his daughter. His princess. And he does the same for you. We are all princes and princesses in the eyes of God. I have to remind myself daily that I'm a princess of God.

Scars are Beauty - My Story

Scars are beauty, huh? Doesn't make a lot of sense, does it. But it's one of my life sayings. We've all been through life, and we all know what it's like to hurt. Here's my story.

     Let's go back in time. Back to when my father was just a little boy, about eight or nine years old. He had a tumor behind his eye. That's scary on its own. Because of the tumor, he needed a blood transfusion. During the late 70s, though, blood was not tested, or at least not as it should have been.
     He went on to live a healthy childhood with his family in Central America. I know, cool. He came back to America for college, fell in love with my mom, and got married. Five years later, they were expecting their first little baby. But he got sick. Test after test after test could not tell the doctors what was causing him to be like this. Then, 14 weeks into the pregnancy, he was diagnosed as HIV positive. HIV affects the T-Cells of a human, it weakens the immune system. A person who does not have HIV has a T-Cell count around 1400-1500; his T-Cell count was 7. When the T-Cell count falls below 200, the HIV patient has full-blown AIDS. My father was diagnosed with HIV/AIDS, and my mother was expecting me in 26 weeks.
     My mother has never tested positive for HIV, and neither have I nor my sister. That in itself is a miracle of God. The fact that my dad can wake up every morning and go to work is a miracle. He plays fast pitch softball in the fall and is active in serving and church.
     But all of this has changed me into the person I am today. Were it not for my dad's diagnosis, I would not cringe every time I hear AIDS used as the punch line for a joke. I wouldn't be trying to find ways to raise awareness for the disease in my school. My parents might not be helping teens and families also dealing with this disease.

     This past February, my mom, sister, and I were in a car wreck. We were turning left at the top of a hill, couldn't see, and were hit pretty much full on. I was in the passenger seat; the crash hit between the front tire and side mirror on the passenger side. The car was completely totaled.
     My sister and I came out with only concussions and a seatbelt burn on her neck. My mom came out with a swollen and bruised up knee. I had a bump on my head that could fit in the palm of my hand. But it could have been so much worse.
     That wreck caused me to see things about God that I hadn't really taken notice of before. Yeah, I knew them, but they were some of those attributes that you've heard so many times you just kind of forget about them. He will never leave me. He is my protector. He has something amazing for me down the road. I remember my mom looking at me and telling me that He wouldn't have kept me here if there wasn't something in my future that He was planning to use me for. That amazes me.

     Scars are beauty. I first realized this when I looked in the mirror after the wreck and said, "I don't want to put any scar-removing anything on the airbag burn on my face. They show what I've been through, and I want to always have that reminder." Our scars are the reminders of our battles. They show us where we've been and how we fought through. For a long time, I had no scars to see in the mirror. But I had scars that I could still see, even though no one else could.
     We all have internal scars. What makes those beautiful is when God comes in, stitches them back up, and makes us whole again. He turns us into something beautiful. He takes what we've been through and uses it for His glory.

So that's where my idea of scars are beauty comes from. Whatever it is that you've been through our you're going through, it makes you beautiful. It makes you who you are.